fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
