some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
