This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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