I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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