What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
