If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize