You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
