Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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