I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
