hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
