remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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