I have demons in me.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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