i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
