Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think my tv is drunk
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
