Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
