Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
