Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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