id be glad to
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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