Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
