Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize