Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
