somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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