Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
