he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Every concussion has its silver lining
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
