you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
