just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The best walk of shames are on the highway
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
