i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
