is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
