well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
