I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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