ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
