Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
