Yo dont text me then not text me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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