My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
