Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
