D3 body, D1 cock
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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