and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
