when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
