so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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