I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
