I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize