I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
