I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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