why didn't you poke me back
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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