you guys were way drunker than both of me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
