why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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