Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize