i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
