If that was your dad, he is hot
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
