I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
