I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize