I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My balls are so social today.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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