I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
