If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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