i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wear drunk well.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
