the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
COCAINE IS GR8
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
