Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
