i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
