whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
