so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
