Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
