Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
