smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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