Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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