I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
