is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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