I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
