I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
