JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
