The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
