Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
