I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
