I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
