Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize