never play flip cup with pint glasses
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
