you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
