Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
