Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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