Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
