i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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