I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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